It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
