I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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