Don't make out with my wife yet
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
