Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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