John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
