i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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