I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
