The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
