Who wears a wallet chain?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
