Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
