So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
