How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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