is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
