I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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