He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
