She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
