I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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