you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
