My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
