awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
