If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
