hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
