So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
