We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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