Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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