Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
