Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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