Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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