Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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