Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
