well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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