He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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