I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
