she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
