I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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