She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
