It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
