He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
