dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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