he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
