That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
