So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
