She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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