I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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