Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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