I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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