really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
