Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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