i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
