The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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