This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
