did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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