census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
